A Place in this World

I lay with my back against a sand dune, basking in the first truly warm rays of sun this spring. A sense of hope, of victory over the cold and bleak winter rises up in my chest. My mind, an hour before still a clamor of questions and misgivings, has emptied itself in favor of a quiet appreciation of my surroundings.

Suddenly, an old song rises to the surface of my mind, a song I haven’t heard or even thought of in years.

The wind is blowing, but I am standing still. A life of pages, waiting to be filled…

From what dusty corner of my mind did that suddenly appear? A song from the early 90s, a CD we passed around among friends. My teenage self didn’t really understand this song – thought it was a bit vague and unsettling. Hearing it play now, in my mind, a decade or more later, the songs feels like an anthem written for me personally. The lyrics are still stored in my memory…

If there are millions down on the knees, among the many, would You still hear me? Hear me asking, where do I belong? Is there a vision I can call my own? Show me!

The song takes me by surprise, catches me off guard. Someone, somewhere, felt exactly the way I feel now. The uncertainty, the searching, the questioning… Looking for a place in this world. It strikes me that I’m not the first, nor the last person to be stuck in such an “in between” phase in life.

With a touch of irony, I consider that, were my 13-yr-old self to see me know, she would be amazed at all the big life decisions I’ve already made, at the things I’ve accomplished, the experiences I’ve had, and the memories I’ve made. Maybe my life isn’t so befuddled and directionless after all… Maybe I’m already well on my way blazing my own trail through life, and this is just one of those “breathing spaces” along the way where I can stop to catch my breath, enjoying the view of how far I’ve come.

So why hurry on? Life is good, better not miss it…